A Love Story
by poo lost in a maze
Summary: Sasuke Uchiha is confronted with his worse fear and shit happens
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, he is a free man

A/N: I'm overweight and unhappy this is my life now

**Chapter One**

****Naruto skipped down a path, being extra careful not to step on any flowers on his way. Why didn't he want to step on flowers? He wasn't sure. He probably just thought that they were pretty.

On his way down he bumped into Sasuke. Sasuke just sat there, staring at Naruto like he was a butter stick. Naruto smiled at him.

"Hell o Sasukye what'r ay doin?G Why ya goT atht zombie lik E stare? do i Have somethihgnh o my sHIRT? DO I have brekfast on mY shart? I donT thaink I have brefast on ma shirt i wor my bib"

Sasuke stared blankly at Naruto.

"ham..." Naruto murmured. "I wondr whatS worng with u Sasuky../"

But what Naruto didn't know was that he actually _did _have something on his shirt. Well, maybe not some_thing _but some_ONE_! It was that of Sasuke's most dreaded fear. It was...

a _GRASSHOPPER_.

His name happened to be Steve.

**STEVE THE GRASSHOPPER LAY DORMANT ON THE CUFF OF NARUTO'S SLEEVE WHAT ON EARTH WAS SASUKE TO DO!?**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I have not yet heard back from Kishimoto about shared ownership to the Naruto series so for now let's just say he owns it xoxo

A/N: the fuck was i on when i wrote this

"talking"  
_thinking_

**Chapter Two**

There Sasuke stood, staring at Steve the grasshopper who was still perched on Naruto's sleeve. Naruto was getting irritated with Sasuke's lack of movement so he started to flail his arms around in front of his body.

Sasuke squealed and took a leap back, only to be followed by Naruto and the forever evil Steve: watching and waiting for the right moment to pounce.

Sasuke P.O.V.: _Crap, crap, crap! I'm going to be slaughtered! Shitting grasshopper! It's going to eat me alive! Maybe I should just make a run for it... but what will happen if I turn my back!? He'd definitely attack me then! Uh... uh... _

"Naruto!** LOOK OVER THERE!**"

_Perfect, my man, perfect. I'll just point at a distant spot and he'll _surely_ move away!_

Naruto's face brightened as he turned a 180° to face where Sasuke was pointing. This meant the arm with Steve sitting on it turned along with Naruto's juggly body.

Sasuke grinned and was about to make a break when he noticed a green and brown blur moving to Naruto's back.

Sasuke P.O.V.: _Oh my God! I can't escape him! I'm done! I'll just run... I'm going to run! __**NOW SASUKE! NOW! NOW! NOW!**_

Naruto P.O.V.: _I'm gonna pop some tags, only got twenty dollars in my pocket_

Just as Naruto went to go get some spicy noodles, Steve _jumped! _It was all slow motion: A grade Matrix shit right there. Sasuke fell backwards, trying to dodge the flying insect, yet in his attempt, he slipped. Steve landed on his nose.

Sasuke squealed and started to run around and around and arouaNd like a sissy blonde girl being chased by a hungry salmon fish.

Naruto sat and stared. OK.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own Steve but that's about it

A/N: crying desu

**Chapter Three**

Sakura and Ino sat while watching the pouting Sasuke who was staring at a silent Steve who had been caught and placed in a cage jar thing.

"Why didn't you tell us that you were so scared of bugs?" Sakura asked, seeming concerned. Sasuke twitched violently as Steve jumped against the glass of his prison in an attempt to provoke him.

"Grasshoppers. Not bugs. Grasshoppers," Sasuke corrected, too scared to compose himself.

"**DON'T WORRY SASUKE!**" Ino screamed. "**I STILL LOVE YOU!**" She was cut off by Naruto slapping the back of her head.

"Kaewp awy BiTHC Sassy-K is Minr"

Sakura was about to say something when suddenly, out of nowhere, flew a giant dung beetle!

"**WHATDOYOUTHINKTHATYOUAREDOIN GTOTHATPOORLITTLEDEFENSELESS GRASSHOPPERCRICKETTHINGMABOB IE!?**" a voice from the top of the beetle called. A shadow jumped off and the figure revealed himself to be...

Shino! Ta-da!

"Sit, Matilda!" he ordered, pointing at the large bug. She did what she was told like a good concubine.

Shino then picked up the jar that held Steve and walked over to a bush.

"What are you _doing!?_" Sasuke screamed, knocking his chair over as he stood up. "**IT WILL EAT YOU ALIVE!**"

Sasuke stared at Steve with scared and slightly leaking eyes. Steve stared suspiciously and unemotionally back at Sasuke. As the grasshopper was released, the first thing he did happened to be eating Shino.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: That talented guy owns Naruto not me I am not so talented it would be cool if I could steal powers like an angry witch but I can't I'm a mere peasant

A/N: Let the manslaughter begin

**Chapter Four**

A shadow moved to the left.

A shadow moved to the right.

Clicks of reloading guns echoed around the darkening battlefield.

Sasuke's breathing came in scared, broken gasps.

Steve the killer grasshopper was loose. He had already eaten Shino and Ino. Naruto swore to Sasuke that Steve only ate people with the sound _ino _in their names, only to be eaten himself soon after.

Sasuke had called upon the ninja of Konoha to help exterminate the devil grasshopper and save the village from sure extinction. Or, at least to save the people he knew the names of.

Kiba ran behind a bin, automatic rifle in his hands at the ready. Neji took cover in the dense coverage of a tree, holding a magnificent L115A3 AWM sniper rifle. His gooey Vaseline eyes looked towards Kiba, Sasuke and the other members of the extermination squad. Sasuke nodded.

"**BYAKUGAN OR HOWEVER YOU SAY IT!**" Neji surveyed the area. "No sign of the grasshopper!" he informed Sasuke. "I can't seem to see him anyw-**AUGHGHHHHH!**"

Sasuke turned just in time to see Steve sitting on the branch were Neji once was.

Steve smiled.

"**MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!**" Sasuke cried.

The not-as-large-anymore group of ninja ran through the trees.

"I think we've lost him," Sakura sighed.

"We can never be too sure," Sasuke replied worriedly. There was nothing these ninja with guns could do against this grasshopper, but Sasuke _had _to try. So he did what any duck-ass-headed person would do.

Call a meeting.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: No I do not own Naruto I have not bought them out from what I know

A/N: Apparently Sasuke has previously called a meeting and there is a plan I don't know  
I'm just pulling this out of my butt now

**Chapter Five**

****The only way the small group of ninja could communicate without Steve finding their hideaway was through writing on a piece of paper under a bush. The plan of action was as followed:

Sasuke: What should we do!? Brainstorm!

Kiba: We so need that Hyuga guy.

Lee: Neji.

Kiba: Yeah that's it. We need Neji. Hinata, be our new Neji. Come ooonnnn, act like a Hyuuga!

Hinata: W-we c-c-c-c-ould t-try... uh...

Kiba: Hinata stop writing like you talk.

Shikamaru: This is such a drag...

Tenten: **DRAG THIS!**

Shikamaru: **UGH!**

Sasuke: Stop! He'll hear your pain!

Sakura: Grasshoppers don't have ears! They can't _hear _anything!

Sasuke: Head lice can!

Sakura: What!?

Lee: Stop mocking Sakura, Uchiha!

Sasuke: Don't _threaten _me, boy.

Choji: I'm hungry.

Kankuro: Eat the grasshopper then!

Sasuke: When the Hell did you get here?

Kankuro: I don't know...

Kakashi: Sorry I'm late.

Sasuke: Bloody hell! How late do you need to be!?

Kakashi: Uhh... Tsunade got stuck in a tree, so I had to-

Sasuke: -**ENOUGH!**

Shikamaru: Don't you have Sharingan or something?

Kakashi: As a matter of fact...

Sasuke! **I** **DO!**

Shikamaru: Don't care.

Sasuke: ...I hope Steve eats you next...

Kakashi: Steve?

Sasuke: Never mind.

...And so, everyone voted (except Sasuke) that Kakashi would use the Sharingan that Sasuke apparently didn't have to defeat Steve the grasshopper.

Little did they know, Steve was smarter than he looked...


End file.
